Saiyajin P.M.S.
by Navi
Summary: Goku and Vegeta get PMS.....but how? Read and find out. SSJ5 returns and a new Fusion is in town. Read Vegeta's Surprise Birthday Party of you don't know what SSJ5 is. R&R. ^_^


A/N: We don't own Dragonball Z. Pity too cause it would be a helluva lot cooler. If you don't know what SSJ5 is, you must read Vegeta's Surprise Birthday Party before you read this one.  
  
Saiyajin P.M.S.  
  
" I AM THE ETERNAL DRAGON!!!! I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES!!!" The Shenlong roared in his usual greeting. Chi-Chi growled, "Dammit! Hurry up and let us make are wish!"  
The Shenlong growled, "FINE BITCH! WHAT IS YOUR DESIRE?"  
"We don't want P.M.S. anymore, you ass!" Chi-Chi screamed. Bulma timidly tapped Chi-Chi's shoulder. "Ummmm....Chi-Chi? Maybe you shouldn't yell at him like that." Bulma said quietly.  
"I'll yell however I damn well please! Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that." The Shenlong watched in bewilderment as Chi-Chi went from Goddess of Anger to a comforting, caring, sweet woman. Equally confusing was Bulma's swift transfer to a happy person.   
"Okay!! Lets make our wish now!!" Bulma said cheerfully. A bead of sweet rolled down Shenlong's face. These women had the strangest behavior...was it that P.M.S. thing? Using the telepathic power inherited from Dende, Shenlong read the women's minds and discovered what P.M.S. was. Much to his dismay, P.M.S. wasn't something he could abolish, it had to be transferred to a new being or left alone. Using the memories from the two women, Shenlong chose two subjects to give P.M.S. to.  
"YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED," Shenlong roared as the Dragonballs dispersed. Chi-Chi looked herself over and Bulma was relieved to find herself suffering no sudden mode swings.  
"He did it!" Bulma said triumphantly. " Lets go home and see the guys. I'm sure they'll be happy to hear the news too!"  
  
At Goku's house, Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Goten, Trunks, and Piccolo were sparring. The Kids paired up since they were best friends, Vegeta started his sparring match with Goku before anyone could say anything about sparring partners, so Piccolo and Gohan Paired up.  
As Goku and Vegeta were fighting their "warm-up" round, Vegeta broke through Goku's defense and clubbed him in the jaw. "OW!" Goku's eyes welled up with tears. "Wh-what was that for? I didn't do anything to you!" With that he started crying.   
Vegeta growled angrily, "God damn you Kakarrot, we're SPARRING!! I'm supposed to hit you!"  
"B-but...ya didn't haveta kit me so hard..." Goku whined.  
"Oh fine you big baby!" Vegeta lightly punched Goku on the arm. Goku got angry and indignant. "No! Do it like you did before! I can keep up!"  
"No you can't! You suck!"  
"I can so! Just watch!" Vegeta slugged Goku who blocked and bashed Vegeta.  
"Ah! Damnit! You nearly broke my arm you shithead!"  
Across the yard Piccolo used a round kick/swing kick combo to get Gohan to block high, then ducked low and planted his fist in Gohan's stomach. Gohan fell to the ground gasping for air and clutching his stomach. "After power you gained, after all the people you have faced, and after all the times I've used that same attack on you, you still have no answer for it," Piccolo grinned. "You are schooled boy!"  
"Hey...not funny..." Gohan panted. He felt and tugging at his pant leg. It was Goten.  
"Hey, bro, whassup with dad and Mr. Vegeta?" asked Goten. Goten pointed over to where Goku and Vegeta floated with their hands on their hips and yelling back and forth at each other.  
"What the hell..." Piccolo mumbled.  
"Dude, they're screwed over. I can't believe they're screamin' at each other instead of fighting (like they normally do,)" Trunks said shaking his head, "They're actin' like Mom."  
"Yeah," Goten agreed. "It's like they got P.M.S. or somethin'"  
"What's P.M.S.?" asked Piccolo.  
"Huh? Oh yeah! I forgot Nameks don't have P.M.S." Gohan said. "P.M.S. is a thing where women have lots of severe mode swings for no apparent reason at all. When Mom gets it, Dad goes and lives in a cave near here." (A/N: And we all know Chi-Chi gets P.M.S. quiet frequently...even more so when Gohan is going to be fighting instead of studying ^_^) Piccolo nodded his understanding of the subject.  
"Speak of the devils..." The women drove down the path towards the Son residence, talking, and believe or not, smiling and laughing too.  
"They seem awful happy for being two people with uncontrollable emotions," Piccolo thought aloud. The others nodded in agreement.  
"Hey Mom!" Goten waved at his mother. "Watch me!" He floated upside down and bounced spastically as if he was going to fall on his head. This always mad Chi-Chi flip out and on top of it all, Piccolo was standing nearby and neither women liked him very much.  
"Good for you honey! Hi there Piccolo." Chi-Chi smiled and waved as she and Bulma walked inside. The Z-Fighters just stood there and gawked.  
"Perhaps she's just in the middle of an insanely happy mood swing. Watch, here she comes to yell at you and Piccolo," Gohan said.  
"Come inside and have a snack boys! Piccolo can come if he wants." The Z-Fighters fell over with surprise.  
"B-but I don't get it! She always goes nuts every time I pull that upside down trick! She always says I'll lose focus and fall on my head and get a concussion. And she even tried to wish Piccolo to H.F.I.L.!" Goten sputtered. Piccolo stared in mild amusement at the child, then let his eyes wander. They scanned over the house, the forest, and the two yelling Saiyajins who became alternately insulted or angry...wait a minuet.  
"Hey, where'd you moms go today?" asked Piccolo.  
"They went out on this really big ass shopping spree this morning," Trunks answered.  
"Trunks, honey, don't swear! That's your Daddy's job!" Bulma called out cheerfully. Piccolo raised a hairless eyebrow. Something wasn't right. He sat down and crossed his legs and arms.  
"Dende, what are you doing?" Piccolo focused his telepathic abilities on talking with the Guardian of Earth.  
"No, what are YOU doing?" came the reply.  
"Dende, where did Bulma and Chi-Chi go this morning?" asked Piccolo.  
"To the waterfall you use to live at, then to the shopping mall at South City, the to McSatan's for milkshakes, then home. You could have figured that out yourself you know. You telepathy works as well as mine."  
"Yours is better and you don't get charged roaming fees."  
"You need a new telepathy company Piccolo."  
"Anyways, what were they doing at my old pad?"  
"They used the Dragonballs. Made a wish too." Piccolo perked up at the word 'Dragonballs.'  
"What wish?" he demanded.  
"Ask them. Look I'd love to keep on talkin', but this is long distance and I don't need a big ass telepathy bill this month. See ya."  
"Later." Piccolo stood and walked into the house followed by three very curious Saiyajin kids. "What did you two wish for?"  
"We wished our P.M.S. away. Isn't great? Now we won't have mode swings and we won't have to explain it's 'that time of the month' to Goku and Vegeta," said Chi-Chi merrily.  
"Did it take two wishes?" demanded Piccolo. The others leaned forward eagerly.  
"Nope! Only one!" Bulma said holding up her index finger with a triumphant smile and a wink.  
"What was you second wish then?" asked Gohan straddling the chair he was sitting in.  
"We didn't make a second wish. Shenlong disappeared and the Dragonballs scattered after he granted us freedom from P.M.S. Why?" asked Bulma. Piccolo sat down again.  
"Dende! Hello? Dammit child pick up you damn telepathy!"  
"Word up? This is big pimplord Dende in the HOUSE! This thug ain't available to answer you telepathy, so leave a message after the ki blast an' I'll shout out to ya later. Peace!" Piccolo heard the blast and took a deep breath.  
"PICK UP YOU TELEPATHY! NOW! YOUR HO CAN WAIT FOR YOU TO ANSWER YOU TELEPATHY BEFORE YOU DO HER!" yelled Piccolo.  
"Shit man! What crawled up you ass? Don't give birth to a cow, man. What'd ya want?"  
"Are the Dragonballs still active?" snapped Piccolo in Nail's voice. Nail could always get Dende to give away any information he wanted about anything and at anytime. Like the time when Guru was having an affair with Nail's bitch, Nail got Dende to rat on the old fat Namek. But that's another tail entirely. (A/N: Yes I know Nameks are a male only race, but lets pretend there was another species on Namek that had females and the Nameks did experience some normal urges.)  
"Yeah. Why?"  
"No reason that concerns you, Do your ho good."  
"I will. She's a good one too."  
"Cool. Later then." Piccolo stood up. "Gohan, go call Tien, Yamcha, Krillin and 18. Tell them to come here to hunt for the Dragonballs. Goten counted on his fingers.  
"Where ya gonna get four Dragon Radars Pic?"  
"Don't call my Pic kid. Bulma I need your Dragon Radar," Piccolo said. Bulma handed it over to him still overly happy about being P.M.S. free. Piccolo opened is mouth wide and swallowed the Radar whole. Gohan who just hung up with the last Z-Fighter winced at the sight and yelled with everyone else on how gross that was.  
"WILL YOU SHUTUP!" screamed Goku and Vegeta from outside. "WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT!" Piccolo split himself into four entities and gulped hard. Then he made a sword from his ki and split his stomach open spilling out four Dragon Radars onto the floor.  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Goku and Vegeta had floated to the window and were spazzing.  
"What did you to my floor?" raved Goku. "It's a mess!"  
"Why do you care Kakarrot? You sound like a women whining over you precious floor!" Vegeta taunted. Goku cried rivers.  
"Your so MEAN!" he whined. Vegeta back down as he tried to get Goku to calm down.  
"Ummmmm...I'm sorry about you floor," Vegeta said lamely. Goku went SSJ3.  
"SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!" he shrilled angrily.  
"Ummmmm...I'll get you a new floor..."Vegeta stammered. Goku punched him through some trees.  
"IT'S NOT THE SAME!" Just then 18, Krillin, Yamcha, and Tien arrived on the scene.  
"Piccolo, how do you expect us to hunt down the Dragonballs separately when there's only one Dragon Rader?" 18 asked. "And what's wrong with Goku and Vegetable Man?" The two Saiyajins were nose to nose yelling at each other's ears off prepared to SSJ4 at any moment.  
"They're...ummm...they're rehearsing," Gohan lied. It was a lame excuse, but it was the best he could do.  
"For what?" Tien asked with a sweat drop sliding down his face.   
"For a play," Piccolo said trying to make Gohan's lie sound convincing.  
"What play?" Krillin asked.  
"P.M.S. ATTACK!" shouted Goten. The humans raised an eyebrow.  
"Er...ummm...Its about this middle school football team. The school's initials are P.M.S. Their battle cry is P.M.S. ATTACK," Gohan said as he backed his brother's outburst.  
"Ummm...oookaaay..." the humans said as one. Chi-Chi mopped up the floor and Bulma cleaned off the Dragon Radars so they didn't have Piccolo guts on them. The humans flew off to retrieve the Dragonballs as Piccolo ordered Chi-Chi and Bulma to Capsule Corp.  
"Look. Just go already," Piccolo snapped. "Trust me, you don't want to be here when thing get ugly."  
"But you're plotting evilly against my babies! I just know it!" Chi-Chi protested. Bulma nodded her agreement with Chi-Chi.  
"Listen, that wish you made gave your P.M.S. to your husbands. The way their modes keep swinging they'll hit SSJ4 and start fighting. If they do the whole planet is endangered. They won't like it if you two are the first people destroyed," Piccolo said. The women tried to think of a comeback, but finding none they set off to Capsule Corp. Piccolo threw off his weighted clothing, "Now we try to keep those two fairly calm until the other come back with the Dragonballs." Trunks and Goten went into action.  
"Hey Dad!" they said as one. The distraction lowered the Saiyajins' power a little.  
"What son?" asked the adult fighters.  
"We'll spar with you." Goku grinned and began to practice with his youngest sin, Vegeta and Trunks began at a slow pace slowly gaining intensity as the fight progressed. Piccolo stood with Gohan watching and sensing the powers of Goku and Vegeta lower as they calmed down.  
"Looks like all it took to save the world was a distraction from one another," Gohan said. Then Goten scored a hit against his father.  
"Mwahahahahahahah! Kakarrot you suck! You got the shit beat outta ya!" Vegeta laughed. Trunks took the moment to whop his father to the floor.  
"You should talk Princess Vegeta!" Goku shot back. Vegeta stood up indignantly and started to cry a little.  
"Why does every one call me that?" he sobbed. "Just because I'm royalty and everyone's jealous they call me princess and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Vegeta began to cry even worse.  
"Hey Gohan, you guys have a new swimming pool!" Piccolo quipped. Vegeta stopped crying and glared at Piccolo.  
"Shut up Namek!" snapped Vegeta.  
"Yeah Piccolo!" Goku said coming to Vegeta's defense. "You stay out of our argument! This is between me and Vegeta!" Piccolo stood firm as the Saiyajins advanced on him.  
"So get out of out faces before we kill you!" Vegeta roared.  
"I have cookies!" Piccolo said offering a plate of cookies that he'd found in the kitchen. Goku's eyes went wide as they filled with tears of joy.  
"Cookies..." he mumbled. He said it almost reverently. "Cookies...THEY'RE MINE ASSHOLE!" Goku dove on the cookies and began to stuff his face. A sweat drop rolled down every face. Then Vegeta turned back to Piccolo,  
"Anyways, were was I Namek?"  
"You two were threatening me and I was laughing inwardly because I found it funny." Vegeta broke down crying...again.  
"People keep laughing at me!! Why? Why must you all be so cruel?" Goten and Trunks moved to watch from where Piccolo and Gohan stood.  
"This is easy," Goten said. "All we have to do is keep their moods in check." It was an exact quote from Goku. Goku said it the time when he, Gohan, and Goten had all been tricked into working at an old farts' home. All the old women had P.M.S. (or something like it) and in order to keep them from having heart attacks, the Saiyajin family had simply kept their emotions from going wacko. It was easy. They just played Sesame Street's Elmo Marathon for the old folks. They has all glommed to the T.V. with the cry of 'Red Thing!' Gohan remembered it well and decided to try it here. He went inside and turned on the T.V. and popped in the Elmo Marathon tape into the VCR and blasted the volume. Both P.M.S.ed Saiyajins heard it.  
"RED THINGS!" Goku shrieked. He bolted inside and sat cross-legged on the floor giving all his attention to Elmo. Vegeta Stalked in.  
"What in the bowels of King Yemma's desk is that noise?" asked Vegeta. Goku grinned happily.  
"Its Red Thing!"  
"What in the bowels of the Desk..." Vegeta sat down to see what this 'Red Thing' was all about. Gohan grinned.  
"Yeah just like the old farts' home," he said. "Wonder how the Ball collection is coming."  
  
"Hey 18! I found one!" Krillin floated over to her holding up an orange ball. She smiled.  
"All right. I have three," she said gesturing at her bulging pockets. Tien and Yamcha arrived ob the scene bearing the last three. The humans smiled triumphantly.  
"Now to go to Goku's house. Piccolo will make his wish and we'll be done," Tien said. Yamcha frowned.  
"Hey this wasn't easy! Wonder if he'll pays us?" he said. 18 slapped upside the head.  
"Duh! Of course he won't pay us! He lives at the Lookout. Why would he need money?" she said. Yamcha rubbed the rising lump on the back of his head sadden.  
  
"Hahahahahahahahah! Red Thing kicks ass!" Goku said merrily. Vegeta scowled.  
"This stupid thing kicks ass," he said. Goku was still fairly happy.  
"You're just cranky because even Red Thing is stronger than you!"  
"GOD DAMNIT! I'M GONNA KICK YOU FUCKEN ASS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHO IS THE STRONGEST MAN ALIVE!" Vegeta went SSJ4 exploding Goku's living room. Goku gawked a moment, then got angry. His rage exploded in SSJ4.  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE?!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR RUINING MY RED THING TAPES!!" The added rage from the destruction of the Red Thing tapes pushed Goku to SSJ5. The pink Saiyajin attacked Vegeta, pummeling him with a hefty fist. Vegeta was buried in a Vegeta shaped crater. He came out it completely yellow.  
"That wasn't fair! You went up one more level then I did!" complained Vegeta. Goku was still pretty pissed off.  
"I DON'T CARE!!!" The two began to fight in that hyperactive way the Z-Fighters do. Piccolo and the Saiyajin kids looked on in horror.  
"Oh yeah the whole Red Thing plan really worked," Piccolo said sarcastically. "Let's try to get their attention with something else." Goten and Trunks stood apart from each other and started the fusion dance.  
"FU-SION...HAA!" Gotenks moved in to beat the bejeezus out of the two raging Saiyajins. Gohan and Piccolo exchanged glances.  
"Shall we?" Gohan said.  
"I can't think of anything else we could do..." Piccolo replies. The two go some distance from on another.  
"FU-SION...HAA!" The new fusion looked itself over. "Hey what the hell do we call ourselves? The hell if I know...Goccolo? Pichan? Gopiccolo?" There was a pause. "Go Piccolo! Yeah. It's like some kind of cheer. I guess it'll work." Gopiccolo flew into the heat of the battle to assist Gotenks in beating the shit outta Goku and Vegeta. Gotenks went SSJ3 and charged up some energy. Gopiccolo did the same.  
"BURNINGKAMEHAMEHAA!"  
"MASENKOSAPPOU!" The two fusions floated back-to-back firing their ki blasts at the enraged SSJ5'S. Two explosions marked the places where Vegeta and Goku had stood before.   
"I think we did it..." Gotenks panted. The best thing the fusions knew they were falling to Earth at tremendous speed and were spa rated out of their normal selves.  
"HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STAY OUTTA OUR DAMN FIGHT?!!!" Vegeta and Goku raved. Then they went back to fighting.  
"Damn! This is some play they're puttin' on if the script calls for a fight scene like that!"  
"Yamcha you dumb ass! There isn't a play. Goku and Vegetable Man have something wrong with them and Piccolo wanted the Dragonballs to set them straight," said 18.  
"Oh."  
"Its about time! Where in the Desk have you fools BEEN?" Trunks asked.  
"Never mind that! Make you wish Piccolo!" 18 said. "Those to P.M.S.ed idiots will destroy us at the rate their going!" Piccolo sucked in a deep breath.  
"Takara popa da punga dipani paro!" he said holding his hands up as if he were Dende.  
"Your not funny man."  
"Shut up and go do your ho."  
"I'm done with her now."  
Shenlong burst from the Dragonballs with an angry glare.  
"I AM SHENLONG THE ETERNAL DRAGON! NOT THAT BITCH PORUNGA. I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH, AND ONE WISH ONLY."  
"Free Goku and Vegeta from P.M.S.!" Chorused the Z-Fighters. Shenlong sighed and a sweat drop rolled down his face.  
"AGAIN WITH THE P.M.S.," he complained. Nevertheless his eyes glowed bright red. "YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED. NOW I BID YOU FAREWELL." The Dragonballs dispersed and two of the balls clocked Vegeta and Goku in the head.  
"Ow! Shit! What in the Desk was that?" Vegeta swore.  
"The Desk should I know?" Goku said. "Hey, I'm hungry. Where's Chi-Chi?"  
"To the Desk with your women Kakarrot. Women, where are you?"  
  
At Capsule Corp., Dr. Briefs cowered behind an overturned table with Android 16. "I can't believe they suddenly gained P.M.S. so quickly!" Dr Briefs said. "It's unprecedented in all of history." 16 winced as several chairs flew overhead.  
"I just wish they were not women. That way I could fight them."  
"At least they aren't Saiyajins. I'd hate to think what my son-in-law would be like with P.M.S."  
"Goku would be worse," 16 said.  
"Okay lets make a bet. We'll gather the Dragonballs and find out for ourselves."  
"If we live, you are on." 16 and Briefs remained pinned behind the table for all that week. When they were freed, Dr. Briefs paid 16 ten zeni because in the opinions of the Z-Fighters Goku would be worse then Vegeta with P.M.S. How? You try watching twelve straight hours of Elmo with a man who's mode depends upon the annoying red bastard and see how you like it.  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Now my pretties...review before I have to hunt you down. J-SAN and Navi love reviews. It makes us happy.  
  
J-San says: The only thing in the middle of the road is yellow lines and road kill. (ok maybe he doesn't say that...but I do. This will be a new part of out fics if a certain someone can give me what he wants put up. Ja Ne ^_^)  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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